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Favorite Waste of Time
DVD reviews and musings
By: Randy Harward
 First let me express my disgust with the show Millennium (first season, out on Fox Home Video). If I wanted to abuse myself with something thin and wooden, I'd enroll in Catholic school and get a nun to paddle me. Lance Henriksen is bad enough, but give him a bland character (Frank Black, a man gifted with insight into serial killers' minds) and a half-baked, rejected-by-the-X-Files script and he's infuriatingly bad. The writers should be ashamed of themselves for 1) taking the gig, and 2) barfing up such lame-ass plots and writing sycophantic dialogue for overacting douchebags. Of course, maybe it's a form of amusement for them, seeing just how bad it can be and just how much folks with take.
 I had almost the same reaction to three seasons of Profiler (A&E Home Video), but not as severe. Ally Walker can be as stilted as Henriksen, but at least she's smokin' hot and the plots are better. Somewhat, anyway.
  Movin' on, I'll cop to liking Comedy Central's Reno 911. Cops behaving badly: it's enormously funny and extremely gratifying to see (remember Super Troopers?). Why? Probably 'cause it makes them look a little more like real folks that just happen to have tasers, guns and authority. Hell, that doesn't sound right. Fuck it...it's just great to see an authority figure get skewered. Speaking of skewerings, South Park: The Complete Fourth Season is chock fulla those (like it wouldn't be, but you know--) in perhaps some of the funniest episodes in the series' history. Particularly enjoyable are the boy-band spoof, the Helen Keller Thanksgiving play, and the Matrix parody "Trapper Keeper."
 I burned up a good week watching Star Trek: Voyager Season 3 (Paramount) and actually kinda liked it. I don't know what that means for me, a Trekkie basher. It used to be so much fun to harass nerds for taking the original show so seriously, and it just got better with each spin-off. Now here I am digging Voyager and eating shit. Well, I suppose I'm fine as long as I don't start showing up to conventions in costume.
 Speaking of geeks, Survival Research Laboratories' Ten Years of Robotic Mayhem (Music Video Distributors) is, uh--chock fulla those? I'd be an idiot not to admit the robots are cool, but man--some of these guys that build that things-- It is a helluva lot funnier than the GAS Network 'bot dork shows.
 Another MVD title I checked out this month was Hip-Hop Time Capsule: The Best of RETV 1992. Anyone who's sick to death of the current hip-hop stable will dig the videos, performances and interviews with the last crop of decent hip-hop acts (Digable Planets, Public Enemy and a Tribe Called Quest among them).
 Finally, I scratched the nostalgia itch big-time this month with Rhino's G.I. Joe Season One, Part Two and Jem and the Holograms Seasons One and Two. The Joe stuff did as much for me at 32 as it did when I was in elementary school. It's cool, but way too right-wing. I actually enjoyed Jem a lot more, mostly from a puerile perspective. It actually has plots and acting as lame as that of Millennium, but hot chicks with guitars rool. Mmm--.Kimber--
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